Writing the post yesterday got me thinking about raising those two puppies. I realized I actually was also training a 3rd puppy at the same time. When I brought Speki home to train I actually already had a 6 month old Border Collie that was in for training. In total I have brought in 5 puppies for training that I had no intention of owning. Four of those puppies ended up staying because I couldn’t part with them. I told you about the first two (Speki and Stoni) the other two where DeCaff and Buzz. I called DeCaff’s supposed new home the moment I met her and told them she wouldnt’ work out for them:). Buzz I was only looking after for the weekend when I ended up keeping him forever.
But that leaves one other puppy that I had brought in for training? Why didn’t she stay? Her name was B.B. She was a very talented dog. Before she was 11 months old we had already had earned her CD in obedience with two first places. She was trained through to Utility and already had won one Open class. She was competing with me in flyball and was doing demos in agility. Now I would never do any of that with a puppy today, but what did I know in 1990?
B.B. was very talented and won a lot. She was the star of “Super Dogs” back then. She knew tons of tricks that I had taught her. Through all of that training you would think “how could I give her up when it was time for her to go back to her owners?” It wasn’t difficult as I didn’t love B.B.. I admired her and I sure did like her but I never ever loved her the way I love all of my other dogs. That may sound cruel but it was a valuable lesson for me to learn and I am so grateful I was given the opportunity to learn it.
B.B was a cute puppy when I first saw her at 7 weeks but aren’t all puppies? I took her home and started her training almost immediately. I desperately tried to love this puppy, I would think, this one is different but why? The truth is I actually didn’t realized that I didn’t l-o-v-e B.B. until she wasn’t with me anymore. Here is that critically important thing that I learned. Maybe this doesn’t hold true for everyone, maybe this is just some unique quirk about me, but I doubt it.
Thanks to my experience with B.B. I now know within moments of meeting a puppy how I feel about it. The puppy grabs my heart and that is that! With B.B. it wasn’t there. I thought it would change once I got her home. It did not. It never did. I didn’t realize how shallow my relationship with B.B. really was until I got my next dog, “Stoni”. Once B.B. went back to her owners, baby “Stoni” came home. I was crazy about Stoni the moment I saw her at 1 day old. At 5 weeks of age she let me knew she was “one”. She was sitting on a top step of a set of three play steps inside her puppy pen. I was staring at her from the outside when she jumped off the step and threw herself at my face, smashing into the ex-pen while doing so. It is a bond that was never broken, not even today. Stoni was my gift from God. She is the reason people started hiring me to do seminars. She made me look far better than I actually was!
Looking back with B.B. I would become impatient over things I normally would laugh about if any other puppy had done the same thing. I found I grit my teeth a lot when I trained B.B. and I laughed far less. B.B. was an important part of my journey and I am so grateful to her for giving me the chance to know this about myself. I make a connection with a puppy immediately and I now know that. With Feature it was a 4 1/2 weeks through a photograph merely by a look I saw in her eyes. I don’t know what gives me this feeling I just know it is not there for every puppy I meet.
After I lost Speki I went looking for another Jack Russell Terrier puppy. I loved this JRT male “Bentley” so I knew I wanted one of his puppies. I looked a 3 litters until I found one that had a puppy that grabbed my heart. That was “Twister” and she will forever be one of my most special dogs to me.
So when you go looking for your next puppy yes research the pedigree and health history, yes look at the structure, yes make sure the puppy is confident but in the end allow your heart to make the final decision. After taking a flight to England to pick up Feature, I was so relieved to see she had such nice structure. I don’t think I could have taken a puppy from the litter if she hadn’t. Even though there were many nice puppies in her litter, once I make that heart connection I would have to walk away from the litter if for some reason I couldn’t have the puppy I fell in love with (luckily for me that has never happened:)).
I have said many times that I think that each dog is sent to us for a particular reason at that particular point in our lives. It doesn’t matter if you used a mathematical equation or go eeenie-meenie-minie-moe you will get the dog you are intended so better to just go with it and let it happen. However regardless of this, you should love this dog or puppy from the start. I have talked to many people about this and they all agree, if the chemistry isn’t there from the start you will never love the dog the way you love other dogs.
I am not a trainer that suggests to people to “re-home” their dog if it isn’t talented enough. There is only one exception to this rule for me. That is if the student can not look me in the eye and tell me they are crazy in love with the dog. If you don’t love the dog, you likely never will. In fairness to the dog, find him a home where he will be special and be loved the way all dogs deserve.
Today I am grateful for all of the lessons my dogs have taught me on my journey, but particularly for B.B., who seemed to be a sacrificial lamb. I will always be grateful for this awesome lesson she taught me about myself.
I just happened across this article, and I know it’s old but I wanted to thank you for posting it, especially that last bit. For 6 months I have been struggling with the decision to keep or rehome one of my dogs. She was a rescue, 2 years old when I brought her home. In the year and a half that I’ve had her, we have made huge strides in training, confidence building, etc. But I feel that, although I care deeply for her, we have not bonded the way I feel we should. Your post made me realize that I am not “in love” with this dog the way I should be. I have an awesome home lined up that has been in love with her from the first picture they saw, and it’s just been a matter of me making that final decision to let her go. I think this article has helped me make that difficult decision, but you are correct. She deserves to be loved, and loved deeply, for the dog she is, and I’m not the person that is going to be able to provide that for her.
How very well said. I have a litter of miniature poodle puppies and I am trying to choose one to keep. Your article just helped me do what I have wanted to do since they were two days old. This puppy has been saying “I’m It” since the second day. She will stay and hopefully she will be a great agility dog.
I’m instituting Ruff Love right now. I’ve been sick for about 2 years and the dogs spent most of that time not working, not exercising, and cuddling with me, which was their temporary job.
Wirehaired std dachshunds who are Field Champions and who both have several sports to do and who have been nursing home visitors. Not good.
During the Sofa Years they had a clear view of everyone walking/running past with their dogs to the great oark nearby and it was impossible for me to keep them from barking. A lot. Up to a block away!
The barking got more and more aggressive and recently they got out and rushed a poor man and his Shih-Tzu, scaring them both but only racing around and barking.
That was it. I had finally gotten to the point where I had enough energy to start training again and so I read Ruff Love. I met you and your demo dogs years ago in Wash. DC when you did a seminar for clicker agility (yes that long ago!)and I was “hospitality” for my obed. club. I remember that you had the nicest, happiest, best behaved dogs of any professional dog trainer I had ever met so I trusted you.
My problem boy sulked the first 3 days and didn’t want to come out of the x-pen; nothing tempted him. I’d just pick him up and attach the lead.
After a couple weeks my husband is thrilled (the bad boy is his dog!) and so am I. They are off all furniture (who ever heard of keeping dachshunds off the furniture!) and are now walking half of their walks with the GL on but the clip attached to their regular collar (no sniffing unless commanded; no pulling). Quiet reigns, for the most part, inside. Many comfy dog beds strewn around and open crates (Georgie still likes his crate games baby dog crate.) My older (corrupted!) good girl is back to her normal self.
We’re not done but I heartily recommend Ruff Love. The people who think it’s mean are probably too indulgent. I sure was. The first 3 days was hard but we all survived.
And yes, these are dogs I loved at first sight, but indulging them is no favor to them!
Thank you Susan!
Susan, I have experienced the same thing twice. I have 3 rescued terriers. The Last one is very smart, and talented and can learn in a matter of seconds. She is sweet, and everything a person would want in a companion dog. But I do not love her like I do the others. She gets love and training but she is not like the other two I have. But I will keep her unless someone meets her and they fall in love and she can go home with them. In the meantime I am training her and trying to be the best mom I can. I have thought of giving her away, but she has already had a rough start.
Thanks for being so honest and sharing that with us. I do secretly in my heart look forward for the day when I can get another dog and it will be a puppy. My husband didn’t want a puppy this time, but next time I plan I picking out a puppy. Love your videos! Sharon empson
I see that this is an old thread, but I have enjoyed every moment reading it, some of the posts bringing tears to my eyes. I currently have the dog of my heart, more so than any other dog I have ever owned. I was a breeder of Newfoundlands for over 20 years, but then somehow a Sheltie worked her way into my household. By the time she died of cancer, she was the only dog. My husband tried to get me to go “dogless” for a while, but within 24 hours, I was searching for my next Sheltie. I wanted exactly what I had lost, a dark shaded, no white on the face larger female. Finally I found a breeder with two litters, from which I could choose. I told her of my lifestyle, plans, etc, and she said she had one for me. We were on vacation in the area, so the first thing I did was go to the breeders to see my new pup. The breeder kept telling me the small, red male with the white face was the dog for me, but, no, I wanted the female, she was a little better looking, was what I had wanted since my girl died, etc. Since we were in Fla for the week, I thought the pup would be better off at the breeders, and we would pick her up when we were ready to go home. All week, I kept thinking, when I sold my Newfie pups, buyers NEVER got to pick them out, after all, I had lived with them 24/7 from birth, how would they know what the pup was like? It always worked out with them, why not me? When we went to pick up the pup, the little girl was all bathed and ready to go, and I told the breeder, that I would take the male she recommended. So, a couple of hours and a bath later, I left with my little boy. He was soooooo naughty, that many times in the first year I felt I had made the biggest mistake ever. 6 years later, as I type (or do anything else) he is literally under my feet. I have never loved another dog like this. Is it the breed? Is it the sex? I don’t know, but I am soooooo very glad that I went with the breeder’s choice for me. Would I have loved the female pup? Definitely! Would it have been like this? Who knows? I am only glad that it is.
This is a very thought-provoking post, and I’ve read all the replies with interest. My response is partially in support of instinctual love-selections, as well as in the “you will learn and grow from the dog you’re not sure you l.o.v.e.!” camp.
I’m not a performance dog owner, I’m the owner of two young, all-consuming English Springer Spaniels: An 18-month old male, Eliot, and a 1-year old female, Iris. In the ESS world, you rarely can choose your pup if you are getting one from a reputable breeder. With both of my dogs I had a choice of 1 out of 2 pups that were left after breeder/color choices were made, and with my female I had to choose without physically seeing her. My male came from a beautiful convergence of conformation and agility champions, some of the top-winning dogs in his breed. I fell in love with his photo and felt blessed that the breeder selected him for our aspirations (therapy, agility, obedience). But when I had the chance to hold the two males I could choose from, I was drawn to the smaller, far less beautiful puppy. I went against instinct and brought the other bigger, more beautiful boy home. He was a challenge from day one, and I had trouble feeling a mutual bond. On days I clicked with him, he felt distant and inattentive to me, and vice versa. Eliot is intense, protective, moody, keenly intelligent and insecure. I read every behavior and training book and somehow could NOT reach this dog emotionally. He was wild, assertive, inconsistent and a constant challenge to whatever expertise I seemed to lack. He was also sweet, and occasionally gazed at me with intense love in his eyes. This dog taught me about truly investing in a dog. After 10 easy-going, trainable and owner-focused dogs, I met my match. This dog has taught me that love does NOT always come easily, but the kind that develops and teaches you something about yourself is very rewarding.
By contrast my female whose photo I saw and KNEW this is THE RIGHT dog for me, has also presented me with challenges, but our bond was instant and unwavering. I call her my heart and Eliot my soul. He requires infinite patience and celebration for the small stuff, and love ebbs and flows with him. Iris presents her own challenges but somehow has been an easier dog for me to understand and predict. Loving her is easy, but surely if I’d only had her I’d have learned so much less about dog behavior and individuality.
Bottom line, I guess, is that just as someone says above, you get the dog you are SUPPOSED to get at the time in which you need the lessons given by that dog. And in situations when you cannot really choose the perfect dog (and in which a deposit makes leaving a dog you don’t click with behind an expensive habit), I would suggest that the dog you get just might make you more well-rounded dog owner. 🙂
After reading this post Susan, I now wonder if that is why I have 8 dogs- perhaps unknowingly searching for that missing piece of the puzzle, the connection to my heart? Hmmmm.
I think love at first sight sometimes happens, and if it does then that’s great. the connection in these situations is almost instant. But love can grow from a caring heart, a chance taken, and through learning about each other. This is true in our human world and I believe it’s true in our interaction and relationship building with dogs who come into our lives. It takes a commitment from us, to learn about the dog who has come to us, whether he/she is a puppy or an older dog who has suffered from abuse. But, when faced with having to choose from a litter, or from the line of caged dogs at the shelter, the one you will likely (and should) pick is the one whom you connect with in that “moment”. The love may come later, but the bond or connection is usually instant.
How incredible when you read the stories of all of you. All different experiences. I have three bullterriers. The first one is a boy that is now 8 years old, he is my husband’s dog, and I really do not feel any connection with him. I like him dearly, but unfortunately there is nothing more. Then I got given this 12 week old puppy girl. She was an absolute devil and at first I thought, “What did I get myself into?”. However, she was the one! I knew right from the beginning, and no – there is no logic go it. She grew into a stunning dog and did very well in the show ring. But she also gave me the courage with her enthusiasm to work with me that I actually started working with her in obedience. We have now got our CCD title and have qualfiied in Novice. We have started in agility this year, and I am humbled every time I work with her. She is the one that teaches me everything – sorry Susan, you did contribute also! But ever since this year our relationship has grown deeper and deeper. I cannot imagine being without her – probably not very healthy. A spectator once said to me after we did an agility trial: “This dog absolutely idolises your!” and this was the best compliment I ever got. Now who says a Bully can’t?
Lovely post and I wholeheartedly agree. I especially agree with the part that the dogs we end up with come to us for a reason, even if we don’t quite know it at the time.
I recently went to purchase a Borzoi puppy…one primarily destined for the breed ring, but I also thought it would be fun to dabble in obedience and agility. After seeing pictures of the litter a 8 weeks I had my heart set on one of the puppies, he had beautiful structure and was a colour I adored. There was an equally beautiful puppy in the litter I had discounted early on because his head wasn’t my style and I disliked his colouring…well, as the fates would have it the breeder kept the puppy I wanted and I ended up with the one I didn’t particularly want.
He was still very well built so I couldn’t complain and I eagerly awaited his arrival at the airport. As soon as I saw his face I knew he was the one I was meant to have; definitely love at first sight. He has been a better dog that I could have ever asked for. Not only in structure but in temperament and personality. He has the strongest work ethic I’ve ever experienced with a Borzoi and is showing amazing aptitude for agility and obedience.
Now I look back and wonder why I wanted any other puppy but him.
I was the same but I’m a convert…
Dog 1 (a 1 yr old re-home Malinois, female)
The first time I met her, I refused to take her since she was psychotic… still is at age 5!!! My boyfriend wanted her and I caved. I fell in love with her months later and she truly picked me. She is my special girl now, my 1st sport dog who has excelled at everything she tried without batting an eye.
Dog 2 (a 3 month old deaf Cattle Dog from rescue, female)
I saw a picture and fell madly in love. I tried to resist and couldn’t. She is my Monkey and despite having gone through hell and back with her elbow dysplasia, I never considered that she wasn’t a good choice. Badly built and deaf, she was the most amazing sport dog until I retired her at age 2. Now we are facing 6 months of rehab from surgery to be able to take up tracking in soft soft grass.
Dog 3 (Malinois puppy that I waited over 2 years for)
Knowing that my oldest dog was going to slow down at some point and knowing that my second pup wasn’t going to be able to do anything competitively, I needed another dog to train! I desperately wanted another female Malinois but Cheryl Smith told me that was out of the question with my pack of stubborn females! Deep down, she was right unless I wanted to fight my pack constantly.
So I picked a bitch and a stud and told my breeder (and friend) to save me the dog that was most appropriate for me. I told her nothing else. We both knew that what I wanted (another psycho female) and what I should have were 2 different things. 4 pups were born (3 males, 1 female). I instantly fell in love with the small boy and the female. I met them at 6 weeks and kept loving the small boy and the girl. PSYCHO DOGS with lots of civil aggression and so much drive it was insane!!! But not the right dogs for me at this time. I was introduced to my pup, a fairly mellow boy. He came up to me for cuddles and we played tug and ball. I left dissapointed that she picked a “mellow” boy for me. 2 weeks later, I took him home. I learned to love my pup (now 10 months) for who he is and I realize now that he is exactly what I needed in my life. A boy that gets along with my girls, who has lots of drive but no civil aggression. I thank Brigita and Mike for picking my special boy for me. I would have never picked him but he is perfect for me. She spent 24h a day for 6 weeks with him before I met him and she knew those pups better than I ever would. I adore him.
I truly think that if you love the parents (or what they produce) and you trust the breeder, they can often pick the best pup for you.
Sometimes I wonder if its possible to always fall in love at first sight. Suzzi, my german shepherd mix, was a rescue I took home because she was in such a bad situation. Although I loved certain things about her neither of us could seem to connect when training. I lost Suzzi to cancer 2 yrs back and I still love her like mad but I certainly didn’t love her at first. My newest dog is a rescue border collie, Rose, who horrified me at the shelter with her behavior and the fact that she is almost pure white. Anyone who’s into borders knows to “avoid the white ones” so I wasn’t sure about taking her home. I took Rose home because she needed someone who knew how to work with her issues and I’d just lost Suzzi. Rose and I get along well but didn’t have that instant connection, in fact Rose and I didn’t snuggle together until I’d had her nearly a year because Rose didn’t trust anyone and I wasn’t too sure I liked her. I’ve had Rose almost 2 yrs now and we are doing fun matches now. I adore Rose now but I realize I still don’t have the connection that I have with Motion, a 5 yr old bc, which is pure adoration. When I’m having a bad day just spending 2 minutes with Motion makes life wonderful again. So will Rose and I ever have that special connection? Can it grow or is it immediate?
This is a good question for me since I’ve got a puppy coming in a few months. . .
I’m normally a luker, but I’d have to disagree. All of my pets are rescues, in one way or another, and almost none of them were love at first sight. While my 11-yr old mutt is definately the dog of my heart, my 2nd dog (a BC mix which I’ve had a whole 7 weeks) and I are still getting to know each other. She’s nearly 4 and her arrival at my home was a HUGE transition for her, for me and for my 11-yr old dog. As a result, her personality keeps blossoming every day, and every day I like her a little bit more and more. While I will never find another dog that will have a connection with me like my 11-yr old does, this new dog and I are definately growing to love each other. We’ll see where it takes us over time 🙂
Oh how I could connect with your post.
4 years ago I wanted a new puppy who was related to my other boys. I went to see the litter at 5 wks old and I liked 2 puppies, but one more so. I went back at 8 wks to have my final choose and planned to collect 3 days later after a show I was doing. I took my best friend along and she steered me away from the pup I originally fell in love with and convinced me the other one was the better choice.
I didn’t bond with Chip at all. He didn’t show me any affection at all,so it was hard for me to give it back. I liked him as he was a good sweet puppy but there was no love. I mourned the loss of the other puppy(even though it hadn’t died) and 3 wks later phoned the breeder to tell her how I felt, If the other baby had still been there I think I would have taken Chip back & swapped him, but the other puppy had been sold. So I kept Chip.
It took 2 years for me to say I loved him, and even now there is not the all consuming love I have for my other dogs. Chip however always gives me 100% in his work.
When I got my last puppy a year ago, I chose him at 5 wks old, and although my daughter wanted another from the litter I stuck to my choice. Fozzie is the naughtiest puppy ever but I love him totally, however he isn’t showing the work potential of Chip as yet.
In the future I will always go with my heart.
this post really meant alot to me. i just finished helping my whippet raise a litter of puppies…nine of them! i thought from the start i knew which one i would keep…a very pretty, nicely put together parti colored boy. for the first two weeks, he was the one..or so i thought. but something happened during week 3. this silver boy, the smallest of the bunch, chose me. everytime i would enter the whelping box, he’d crawl/stumble/run to me, throwing himself at me and stare deeply into my eyes. there was no denying what he was trying to tell me…i am the one that is meant to stay. the others “liked”me….this one “loved” me. he would leave his mothers side to come to me…and i could not deny the bond that was there. if i was looking at choosing a dog for agility only, i probably wouldn’t have chosen this particular puppy. i worried that he was “needy” and perhaps sensitive. luckily, it turns out he is not sensitive, although he is a bit needy. a trainer that i admire pointed out that that attribute could work in my favor. his structure is nice and he is lovely to look at. at 14 weeks old today, he is really into playing Crate Games and races to his crate, flips around in midair, and lands facing the door. won’t move till released. i realize the value in this game now that i have a puppy who does this so willingly and happily. i plan to get back to crate games this afternoon with this puppys mother, who is just beginning her agility career. let the games begin!
Dear Susan,
Thank you so much for your “Love at First Sight” post. I have been feeling terribly guilty because I don’t just don’t seem to love one of my dogs like I do the other 3. Two of them I found on Petfinders.com and their pictures “spoke” to me. People think I’m crazy when I tell them that but I think you probably understand. The 4th dog into our family seemed to grab my husband. I even bought a book on bonding with your pet but the truth is I don’t think I’d miss her if she was gone. My husband would miss her so we have her for life. I think now, though, I can stop feeling like there is something wrong with me.
This post takes me back to my childhood and the story of how I got my first dog. I believe that fate brought her into my life and it was pure love that made me want her. I always wanted a dog and my parents were, at first, opposed to it. Gradually, I wore them down and by the time I was 7-years-old, they were no longer saying that they did not want a dog, they were saying “they could not afford a dog”. In those days, the dogs in the pet stores cost $100 or more. I did not know about “rescuing” at that time, or I would certainly have told my parents that we could get one for “free”.
Although my parents were reluctant to tell me an “amount” that they could afford to spend on a dog, I eventually got my father to say that if I could find a dog that cost $20.00, he would buy it for me. My mother had another stipulation, it could not be large. I looked and looked and couldn’t find a “cheap” dog at any of the pet stores I frequented. One day, when I was 9-years-old, my father and I went on an errand. My parents had bought something for their bedroom that needed to be exchanged. The department store was not able to exchange the merchandise and they refunded my father his money back. It was $21.00. My father opened up his wallet to put the money in and said, “Good thing they gave me this money. That’s all I have in my wallet.” On our way out of the store, I noticed that there was a man mopping in a corrider and he was pushing a crate out of his way. I stopped in my tracks. Why is there a crate in this store? Do they sell pets? I needed to see what was in the corridor.
I told my father that I wanted to see something. He was in a hurry to leave and, although annoyed, he followed me to the corridor. I turned to the right when I entered the corrider and my heart stopped. There were rows and rows of empty cages. I asked the guy who was mopping why are there cages here. He said that they used to sell dogs, but they were closing down that department. All of a sudden, my eye caught something moving in one of the cages all they way by the end of the hall. I ran to it and saw the cutest little smooth coated black, tan and white puppy. I called my father over and showed him. “Oh my G-d, can you believe this? Why is this puppy here all by itself?, I asked him. He was surprised too, but less concerned. “Isn’t it cute?!”, I asked. He looked at it and said “Yes”. The puppy started wagging her tail at us and jumping up in its crate. I watched my father looking at the puppy and I liked what I saw. The puppy was working it’s magic. My father started making clucking noises at the puppy and the puppy was responding with vigorous tail wagging, leaps, and yelps. There were a whole bunch of signs surrounding the crate that had prices with slashes. I don’t remember what the most expensive price was. I just remember I followed the trail of prices down with my eyes until I found the current price. I don’t think I breathed the whole time. Finally, I saw the last price. “Final Offer: Must Sell: $20.00” I almost keeled over. She was mine!!!! That was the magic number. I showed my father the price and said, “Look we could afford it!!!” He kind of sighed and looked at me and then looked at the puppy. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was on the fence. I said, “I think it likes you. The poor thing is probably hungry. They just left it there all alone, like nobody cares about it.” Then I saw him put his hand in his pocket and he began jingling some coins that were in his pocket. I knew then and there that he was going to buy her. Whenever my father was about to succomb to my demands, he would start jingling the coins in his pocket. I didn’t want to let on that I knew I was going to get my way so I said, “Well, why don’t we ask if we could pet the puppy?” He said, “Ok.” I asked the mop guy if he could let us hold the puppy. That became somewhat of an ordeal. Eventually, that got resolved and my father and I got to hold the puppy. We were told the dog is 8 weeks old, a female, and a mix of many breeds. As we petted her I told my father how fun it would be to be able to take her to the park and play ball or frisbee with her. Finally, my father said, “So you really want her?” I said, “Yes.”
I remember how proud and complete I felt as I held my puppy in my arms on our way to the car. We took a long escalator down to the first floor. Lots of people looked at me and smiled. I’m sure I was glowing. I felt such utter contentment. I can still remember that feeling. When we got into the car my father laughed. He could not believe what had happened. He said, “Your mother is going to kill me.” Well my mother was miffed for two seconds. Years later, she would tell me that she knew that one day I was going to get my puppy because I was relentless and that although she was not expecting to have the puppy that day, she was secretly happy for me. She named that puppy “Blackie”. I nicknamed her “Poosenalana” and she transformed my family into dog-loving people. She went with us everywhere and I became known in my neighborhood as the girl with the dog. I trained her to do many things, but I couldn’t say how I did it. I had no knowledge about dog training. Blackie knew how to sit, down, give paw, roll over, beg, crawl, and stay. She also was a star in the park because she would run fast when we threw her a ball and catch the balls in the air. She also loved to catch frisbees and play soccer with my father.
In the end, we all got what we wanted. Blackie was affordable and she was a small dog. As an adult, she weighed no more than 20 pounds. In fact, she looked very much like my current dog Zoe. When I first saw Zoe as a puppy, I felt that she was a re-incarnation of Blackie. She even has some of Blackie’s exact markings on her chin and chest.
I really loved your story. Thanks for sharing, that was one lucky little puppy.
I foster for border collie rescue. When I take a foster I am prepared to keep it forever if need be but most of the time I’d rather not. Sometimes I’m sad when they find their forever home but most of the time I’m relieved to have my household back to normal (at least until the next one pulls at my heart strings). But the foster I took a year ago became my dog the first night he was here. When this stinky little buggy critter crawled into my lap and leaned his head against my chest and let out a big sigh I knew I loved him. So, he stayed and I put my plans off once again to start with a puppy.
Loved your post Susan.
Susan, you are so spot-on. My dogs are all rescue dogs, you know them, Mick the amazing aussie (you met when he won the SW Regional), and Tru, my soon to be amazing BC–(you met him at the NW Regional). Both were LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT from a just a picture, and have proven your theory correct.
Our hearts never lie…thanks for the great post, I couldn’t have said it any better.
This posting really hit home, Susan, as the dog who stole my heart was also my biggest heartbreaker. Aggressive issues which we tried to work out ended with him being returned to the rescue from which he was adopted, and to this day I still miss him. When friends talk of where they are “going to get their next agility dog from” I wonder if they let the emotion of falling in love with that dog play a part in their choice, or are they just looking for a partner that will allow them to win?
Thanks for a thought-provoking article, and it was heart-warming to hear so many responses from thos who DID fall in love with the pup or dog they took home.
I am so glad to hear I’m not the only one that feels this way. I’ve been looking for my next pup for the last year or so. A couple opportunities have come up and I could tell immediately that they weren’t the “one” for me. One had everything I wanted, but I didn’t feel it in my heart when I met her in person.
Another one I did feel the connection with, but that one was the pick and went to the sire’s breeder. I figured it just wasn’t meant to be and I will patiently wait for the “one” to be available and special.
Susan what a great post! It is something I have always believed in. I have been a breeder for many years and I do rescue as well. In placing rescue’s I’ve helped dogs find their ‘person’ and it is very rewarding. Sometimes I’ve felt like a ‘stop’ on the way to their Special person, and other times I’ve felt they are home as they have stayed here until passing!
With my own dogs, I’ve found that the connection and ‘love at first sight’ has been there..
12 years ago, I wanted an Aussie. I researched, searched, and looked at many litters. I found this one breeder that had the color I wanted, but she said I wouldn’t want the pup because he had a white ear. I went out anyway, and this little 8 week old pup came right out to the car with an attitude like “about time you got here, lets go”. I knew he was supposed to be mine, and my Chief has been with me since!
About 3 years ago, I did a breeding. It was for a female in the litter and I wanted a specific color. Well I got her, along with her 4 littermates. In the litter was a boy that was mismarked, and not the color I wanted! Long story short, JC the boy is still here. Everytime I’d look in the box it was him that my heart went to. Although I kept Moshi the female, she and I NEVER bonded. I finally realized it was kinder to place her with someone who would love her, and she’d love. She is very happy with her new family.
2 years ago, I was visiting a friend that bred poodles. We’ve been friends for years, I LOVE visiting the poo pups! I always walk away happy to visit, but none come home with me. I was playing with her pups, and this white pup gave me a ‘look’. I left and when I got home I told my mom about her. I couldn’t forget her. We both went back the next day, and my mom and I played with pups.. but my attention kept going back to her. I realized she was waiting for me to ‘get with it’. She came home with us. I am terrible with her, she can do NO wrong, and is quite spoiled LOL
Recently, my last litter…the first boy was born, and the mama had to go for a c-section to get his brother. While I sat there holding the box with the newborn pup, my hand under the blanket.. I knew he would never go anywhere. I’ve had people think I’m nuts for keeping him, when the other pup was much “better”(more coate, quieter, better mannered etc), but he has my heart.
Thanks again for the great post!
Hi Susan,
Reading your post today, I’m just awed. Is it a coincidence? Or does God really speak to us in such amazing ways? This is what I wrote on my personal blog yesterday.
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Not often, but once in a while, we meet that special ONE.
I set my eyes on Issey two weeks ago on an innocent trip to the pet shop, for the innocent activity of looking at cute, fluffy furballs.
From that moment on, I couldn’t forget her.
Maybe it’s the sweet innocence of a puppy. Maybe it’s the unfulfilled wish of wanting a sportsdog or maybe it’s the selfish desire to want to start all over again. Afresh. With a brand new dog, with a fresh new understanding of what dog training is.
Or maybe, it’s just Issey.
Over the course of the last week, I’ve had the good fortune of meeting at least four other cute fluffy furballs. All were as cute, as adorable, but none, imprinted my heart the way Issey did.
Maybe that’s what people feel when they meet their destiny. Indescribable.
Today I went back to the pet shop and they said Issey was sold the night before.
Part of me feels happy for her because she’s in a place where all puppies should be, a home, a heart, a place where she’ll be loved and cherished. Not in a display window, like some merchandise.
Part of me is worried for her. So many unknowns. “Who is her new owner?”, “Will she be well taken care of?”, “Will she be happy?” etc…
And then there is the sad part. Because maybe, just maybe, she is supposed to belong with me.
“Goodbye little Issey. Hope you found your forever heart who will love you with all s/he is. I will always remember you.”
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Maybe that’s love at 1st sight.
Yes Claudia, I do think God speaks to us in such amazing ways:).
Love at first sight is a must? Well, no, at least not for me. When I get a puppy, it is an exciting, thrilling time of unchartered territory. A time of wonderment. It’s kind of like an open book. The enjoyment, commitment, and stewardship is there from the beginning. But love develops over time, through training, communication, and the inevitable ups and downs of living with another creature.
Most of the dogs that I’ve owned were chosen by me as puppies. I loved and learned from each one. We also had a rescue dog that took constant effort- progress was slow but steady. In the end, my bond with that dog was incredible. My current dogs- not traditional performance breeds- were chosen by the breeder for me. And I have the closest bond ever with these two dogs. For me, it’s not love at first sight but a deepening relationship over time. That being said, i think this is a very personal topic and what works for me wouldn’t necessarily apply to others.
I’ve been lucky enough to have amazing connections with all my dogs so far. Although, my oldest is my husband’s and I think I’ve distanced myself on purpose from him, so he can have his own special connection with his dog.
However, you post really made me think of Gromit’s story. She’s a rescue from a research lab that was next door to my own. The tech had brought up this 8 wk old puppy to “save” her and I knew instantly that she was supposed to be mine. I fought for her life for 2 wks so that the tech could adopt her. The PI finally gave into my tears and pleas and allowed her to go home with his technician. He brought her to work daily and every time she saw me, she’d go crazy, as would I. He began to resent our connection and tried to forbid me from coming to see her. That didn’t work, I’m too persistent.
When she was 6 months old, he was desperate enough for a babysitter that he let me take her for 10 days and by the time he got back, I had renamed her from Mia to Gromit (he still doesn’t know that!). A month later, his wife got conveniently pregnant and couldn’t handle the dog smell, or lack thereof. It killed him, but he finally relented and let me adopt her forever. I always knew she would be mine from the very instant I laid eyes on that puppy! She knew it too. And now, I have the cutest, cuddliest, fuzzy-faced beagle on the planet!
When I went to the breeder’s to see the litter I’d put a deposit on, one puppy toddled over to my feet, sat down, looked WAY up right into my eyes and I swear she said, “Hello! It’s me! IT’S ME!!!” She didn’t throw herself into my arms, or lick me or whine or anything… she just sat there and *looked*. It was an instant connection and I really was helpless in the face of it. Sure I tested the litter, and yes, that pup (known as “Little Red Yarn” because of her red yarn collar) tested well in my opinion… but who was I kidding — I was never going to go home without Little Red Yarn no matter how the testing went!
This discussion has brought home to me how much my bond with my now three-year-old dog has been influenced by that first surprising moment of connection. I still tear up thinking about those puppy eyes looking up so confidently, and about how we started our “journey” at that very moment.
Great post! I agree that “love at first sight” is a must, but, just like a failed marriage, it is possible to be in love and still have a very broken relationship with a dog. Because of what I didn’t know about developing a working relationship with a dog (as following your wisdom has helped me to do with agility puppy #2), agility dog #1 lacks confidence and is wary of me as his partner. We never developed the trust element of our relationship and while we are bonded in love, we don’t work well together as a team. I’ve seen him run better for total strangers than he does for me. I love him, but puppy #2 is the agility partner I have always dreamed about – she picked me (much like Stoni picked you), and what started in love has been managed, as carefully as I am able, to include fun, fairness and positive, clear criteria. I credit you (and Buzz) entirely for being my spiritual guide in all of my dealings with puppy #2 (my first extremely high drive dog!) and I absolutely cannot wait to meet you in person at “Puppy Camp” in December so you can be our guide into the actual world of agility.
Love at first sight is unconditional. Its downright irrational, but that doesn’t stop it from being real. Love that is developed is often a condition of some other factor, such as being good at agility. This is a slippery slope since this feeling may wax and wane based on the status of that condition. This type of love must be worked at- like an arranged marriage, perhaps. Of course we’d all prefer love at first sight, but sometimes we make the commitment and it doesn’t happen he way we hope. Susan will surely agree that we owe any dog we bring into our lives an affection as honest and responsible as possible.
Great insight Dev and I completely agree with what you are saying.
Interesting perspective. One I have held through a succession of dogs over 3 decades until my latest pup. Maybe it’s luck, but I don’t think so. My youngest of three is Hob Nob Lucky Edge from Jan DeMello. I did alot of research on breeders before selecting Hob Nob Farms. And then I was set back on my heels when I discovered that I didn’t get to pick my pup. After providing references and discussion and being allowed on the waiting list, I was required to write up a bio of what I wanted – characteristics, temperment, activities, appearance, etc as well as what I intended in terms of training and sports and the family life the pup would blend into. Descriptions of the household members, other animals, the environment, family activities, etc. Jan’s primary criteria is placing her pups in good homes that will be a good fit in which they become good family members. I toiled for days, knowing that this discription and Jan’s instincts about me would be the red thread that connected me to my new border collie. And she is most perfect in every way and I’ve never loved a dog more!. She fits most perfectly into the household and our lives. She instantly filled a huge section of my heart. And Jan does this pretty much without exception with every pup she places. Among the Hob Nob family, it is a reknowned skill. I in no way trust myself to assess a dog’s ability to map to my needs and integrate with my life as much as I trust someone like Jan who knows her dogs inside out and has made an art of matchmaking pups and families. She sees them 24×7 for 8 weeks. I would be totally panicked if I had to pick out my next pup! But I will confess, there truly was a glint in our eyes when we met:>)
When I went to visit Pippin at the breeders at 4 weeks or so of age, I felt no particular bond with her, I thought she was scrawny, and I wasn’t crazy about some of her behaviour. I called the breeder and said I was reconsidering. I eventually did bring her home and the behaviours I saw in her as a wee pup haunt us to this day; she is the most challenging dog I have ever had.
BUT, what I didn’t see at four weeks old was her gentleness, her silliness, her incredible enthusiasm for life, that took time to develop. I’ve never loved a dog like I do this one and my ‘do-we-really-need-another-dog’ husband is similarly smitten. Had I followed my own good instincts I would not have Pip. I’ll love whatever pup I get, but Pip has set the bar for what that should feel like.
I found this to be so true. I like darker coloured border collies with not too much white and found my perfect first dog a almost black self border who i fell in love with the moment i saw the photos of her. Then i wasn’t looking for a dog but i came across a litter of tri’s black/whites and blue merles. And in this litter was a solid white little girl. Going completely against my not liking borders with too much white let alone solid white i fell in love with her instantly at 3 days old. She is now 15 weeks and i will never ever look back. I love my girls just as much if not more sometimes than my own family.
I second the thoughts of those who said sometimes the dog needs to develop — had that happen to me twice. With one dog it was a growing up thing — a bitch transformed after her first heat. With another, it was recovering from an adverse reaction to the rabies vaccine. It was a long road, but the true dog came through in his recovery, and I adore him. (Support the Rabies Challenge Fund, http://www.rabieschallengefund.org/ )
I’ve also had the opposite situation, where I knew we were a mismatch early on. Some never made it into the car. One went back in 24 hours, another I spent more time banging my head against the wall. If I could change one thing I did, it would be to trust my heart and instinct, and let the dogs that don’t belong go straight away. Dogs can have a good life with many people, it does not have to be me. There is nothing wrong with making the decision that the dog’s life could be better in a different home — in fact, I believe it could be the kinder course of action.
Claudia, that’s what happened when I adopted Charlie from Puerto Rico. I’d seen dozens and dozens of dogs, but when Charlie cracked his eye open and looked at me, I knew he was the one I’d come to find. I didn’t know if he’d ever play agility. Right now, he’s got this limp in his front right paw, and it has sorta come and gone since the day we met him. I used to think it was his toenail, but now, it is really hurting him, but fortunately I didn’t choose him for his athleticism, or for anything. Well, maybe because he was so polite. I don’t know how we got born in different worlds, or how we ran into each other, but he’s my dog.
Hi Susan, love all your posts, I rarely comment, but I will on this one. This is because I agree to the full extent. I rescue many dogs from the streets here in Portugal (they are everywhere), I have done this countless times, and found new homes for many, but some stayed with me. Why? I really don’t know, but although I “loved” all of them , some just hit the spot so badly I could not part with them, and it was sudden like a first sight reaction. Matilde my little doggy was asking for food in the car park of the supermarket. I opened the trunk of my car where I always keep dog food, for the ones I keep finding, and I fed her a bowl full. That same week I had rehomed two other dogs, a small tiny puppy (6 weeks only) and a lovely black and white stray full of life. But after Matilde ate the whole food, I cuddle her head, opened the car door and asked her in, she hoped in, and I immediately said out loud : “You are staying with me forever, I am taking you home”. She is still with me…. the same happened to all the others I kept and for some reason decided not to rehome. Some are just meant to be with us and teach us something, just like BB taught you. Thank you for being so wonderfull I wish I could have a long lovely chat to you about everything doggish and peoplish… come to Portugal for holiday mi casa es tu casa 😀
I love Portugal! I was where I wrote most of Ruff Love! Beautiful country, maybe I will return for a holiday some day!
I was totally besotted, and still am, with my first dog, Ernie, but I’ve been looking for that second dog for years. Time and again I’d look at dogs that had plenty of merit, well put together, nice nature etc, but there was just something missing, so I went away again. In time I began to think I’d never get that second dog as there just wasn’t room in my heart for anyone but Ernie.
Then, when I stopped looking as I thought I might have to go into hospital for a short while, completely out of the blue, I was offered a dog. She sounded good in the email, the pictures looked good – but I wasn’t sure, I didn’t want a girl, I didn’t want a Jack Russell ( Ernie is a hound terrier cross), hmm hmmm.
Anyway, I went and looked – she was nothing like her photo – she was smaller – did I want a dog that small??? BUT – I was with her for five seconds and I loved her to bits! Of course after I’d got her I went through the ‘OMG what have I done’ for a day or so, but we’ve never looked back. Sure we’ve had the odd ‘settling in’ problem but we worked through them, and oh my, was she worth the wait, and all the dogs I had to meet and walk away from.
I realise now that that indefinable something that was missing when I looked at the others was just what you described – that love at first sight. I still love my Ernie to bits, but there is more than enough room in my heart for my wonderful Winnie girl. When she came to stay I felt like Christmas had come early!
The first male dog we ever had, Max, was the first time I ever felt that way about a dog. He was bad, to say the least, but I loved that dog. My personal dog now is also a male, and we have another dog, a female. I’ve liked the females, but the males I loved. Max was a rescue dog, who our other dog made the final decision on. Luke I got from a breeder, and he was the only one left. I went to another breeder first, and it wasn’t right. There were multiple dogs, but none were the right dog. With Luke, he was the only possibility. I could tell he was right though when I met him, and his breeder was going over everything with me.
I totally agree with you Susan – the connection you feel when you find your next tailor made for you dog is unmistakable. I’m on dog number 6 now and with 5 of them, while I never got to choose which pup out of a litter I wanted, the one that was shown to me was just perfect. My newest pup No. 6, is a real humdinger, I definately wouldn’t have coped with him as a first dog and there are times when I have to crate him just for the sake of my sanity! But I adore him, he makes me laugh so hard and he’s lovely to train.
However, when my 2nd dog died, both dog 3, Piper and I went to pieces and I rushed out to get number 4, Bailey, way too soon. As it turns out he was perfect – but for Piper, not for me, Piper needed another dog around and Bailey fit the bill. To me though, Bailey was unmotivated, slow, lazy, a sandwich short of a picnic, I hated training him and unsurprisingly he shut down on me most sessions in the beginning. He was the breed I’d always dreamed of owning but he was such a disappointment in the personality department, I trained him in obedience and agility but it was going through the motions really, as there was no spark between us. When Piper died last year, Bailey didn’t know what to do. His 7 year role as Pipers support dog was obsolete and it broke my heart to see him wandering looking for Piper. Finally I opened my heart to him and bless him he jumped right in. I believe I resented this poor dog for 7 years – apparently I hold I grudge fairly well – for the crime of replacing the previous dog. I have since learned to appreciate Baileys qualities , steady, faithful, trusting and the most obedient dog I’ve ever had, maybe not with competition drive but he’s a pleasure to have around. I’m gonna be sorry it took so long for me to realise this for ever – but we didn’t need each other until Piper was gone and I’m glad I was able to open my heart to Bailey before it was too late. We even have fun learning new things now. If I had to do it over, I’m not sure whether I would do it all the same or not – Piper and Bailey were inseperable and Bailey taught me to accept people for who they are not for who I want them to be – a lesson I needed to learn! But for all my future dogs I’ll be looking for the connection, the wow factor that means everything when forming that new bond – there is nothing without it.
I really appreciate this post. It seems so personal and vulnerable.
With all the lessons and skills you teach, one thing I take away every time is what I think your secret to success is. Besides the fact that you never stop moving, you manage to establish and maintain criteria – and balance that with love and play. Your posts, your training, your speaking all display this balance.
and doggie love…
Whether you choose the dog or the dog chooses you or you come to love the dog or however that works. There is commitment, opportunity, challenge, and bonding in every relationship no matter how brief or eternal. The chemistry and spirituality and linguistics of relationships are basic yet somehow mystical. Those moments we could never explain in words – that squeeze our hearts and transform our view of the world. Who can say why they happen. Or when. Day one or year 7.
I would argue that while you did not choose BB, you did and do love BB. And I think it is always ok to say goodbye. In fact I think it is preferable in the absence of choosing yes. Either you choose to be with, or you say goodbye. This is not the absence of love, it is just a choice.
I’m going to agree with Andrea. I am still falling in love with my current puppy who is now 5 1/2 months old. When I picked him up at 8 weeks, he was a cute puppy who loved to snuggle and was very easy to live with. But that was it. I liked him, I enjoyed his company and watching him discover his world but I didn’t L.O.V.E. him. Today, I love him. He is well on his way to becoming my first “heart dog.”
While, I do believe in “love at first sight” I cannot agree that it is crucial. If I had skipped over “Seven” because he didn’t capture my heart immediately then I believe I would be missing out on a remarkable partnership that is developing.
This is a fun post.
When Baxter and Kelly matured, well past trialling, I felt the need to train a dog. Although I was definite, we are not getting a third dog!!
So, off to my Springer breeder friend who said he will let me train one of his dogs.
Plan – get dog on Friday, bring back Sunday night!!
So at the kennel, there was a retired Best in Show winner, handsome as all get out, but a pain in the butt wanting to bug Baxter and Kelly who had no interest in another relationship. Then there was a six month old puppy, major cute, could have eaten it up, but I didnt even look that way because, like Susan, I probably would have wanted to keep it. And also, something about the pup didnt totally pull me that way.
Then there was BOB! Bob was going on 2 years old. He loved me from the minute he saw me and I think it was mutual. I showed the breeders a recall in their yard (Bob had just met me!!). They held him, okay he had no stay, but when I called him, he flew to me and jumped in my arms. Okay, then I was in love. He didnt bother Baxter and Kelly, and only had eyes for me.
So I took him home on Friday, called the breeder Sunday night and said I am going to keep him till Monday and drop him off before work. Monday I drop him off – then I knew, this is just temporary Bob. Bob did not want to go back, he was grumbly and upset. The breeder knew then that Bob chose another life, to live in a home (sleep in a real bed) and the dynamics with the other males appeared to have changed over night, one being the Best in Show winner – his father! So that day at work, I called the breeder and said I want him. My husband agreed to having another dog knowing full well that my heart was stolen 🙂 We worked out a deal and Bob came home to live with me the next day. Bob is now going on 12. He is my first agility dog and we have had so much fun. Sometimes there really is that chemistry that puts the two of you together.
What a good blog post! My first agility dog was my first true love at first sight dog. He is still with me at age eleven and still enjoys competing. I never dreamed I would be lucky enough to trial him nine years (infrequent as it is). So nearly 5 years ago, I spotted another dog like him on petfinder who I had to have. My experience with him has been similar to Andrea’s. Though love at first sight, what a pain to train to him. Totally different from my heart dog (#1), and I got very frustrated when he responded differently from how I expected. However, I have stuck it out and now soon to be age seven, dog #2 is starting to show some promise. We call it remedial agility , but it works and I am happy I have both dogs. Because dog #2 always got along so well with the other non-agility dogs in my household, I would never return him to rescue. I just had to wait a little longer than normal for him to grow a brain for agility…or for me to develop the patience to train him…still seeking the skills LOL
Great post! I’ve never really thought about that initial special connection before. I will definitely be looking for that “spark” when I look for my next dog. Thank you for posting this!
I am so glad to see you post this; it seems that in so many cases if you get a performance pup from one of the “name” breeders it is picked for you. There is a lot to be said for listening to their advice, but if that “love at first sight” connection is not there I think that is very telling. I was given a terrier pup by my best friend as a gift and a conformation prospect; she was the CUTEST puppy you have ever seen but I never felt that connection with her; ultimately we just clashed constantly and I ended up giving her back with 9 points and a major when she was 2 years old. I can’t even throw away old sheets without feeling guilty, but you know I never even asked how that dog was doing. It was a terrible match. OTOH, my dog I lost this year, my heart dog “Andy” was in a litter bred by a friend; it was a really nice litter but the wrong color. I was going to Canada to look at a blue bitch when she brought the puppies in for me to check at 5 wks old. Andy ran around the corner and stuck his chest out and I thought “NO, NO, NO! I don’t WANT a brown boy!”. But I knew he was MY dog and there was no way around it. I have never regretted that decision for a minute, he was the joy of my life. If his mom had come in heat a week or two later I would already have had that blue puppy and my life might have been very different. I wouldn’t have traded him for the world. I see a lot of puppies on a daily basis in my job so I am somewhat immune to falling in love with the first cute puppy I see; but when you feel that connection there is nothing like it. Sometimes it truly is meant to be.
I love Doberman Pinschers as a breed. I like the characteristics they share such as their Velcroness, sense of humor, intelligence, etc., and I love their appearance. I prefer the natural look, but in rescue, you get what you get, but it always comes down to the personality. I’m partial to blacks, so when a black comes through the door, it’s more than likely she will stay. However, I mentioned a Dobie I had in a comment I made on your blog a few days ago, whose owner taught her to jump on his chest. She was a stunning black, but her ingredients and combination of Dobie characteristics didn’t strike a chord in me. She sorely lacked a sense of humor and she was very pushy. I even dreaded going home while she lived with me. And when I placed her, I celebrated.
From the other side of the coin, I’ve gone through this with a few other Dobies, and I think the feeling, or lack of feeling, was mutual. I’ve left a few Dobies at their new homes, esp those girls who like men, and there was not even a “thanks for everything” as I walked away. I was glad for them, and me, that they found the right people. I also left one behind before that I loved, but he fought with my other male. When I left him, and walked out the front door, I heard him body slam himself against it. I cried on the way home. But he came back to me in a few weeks because the owner couldn’t handle him. I learned how to shape behavior from the two boys, so they could co-exist in my home. I wasn’t able to go through another body-slamming moment.
I don’t foster anymore, but from the experience I’ve had with loving some Dobies, liking others, and respecting them all, I think magnetic attraction goes both ways.
And I have to agree with Andrea because of an experience I’ve had within the last two years with a Dobie I didn’t love initially. But being no one wanted her at the ripe young age of 6 mos, I dug in my heels with her. There are puppies, and there are hell’s puppies. 🙂 She was from the latter. So I worked like heck with her, and she is the dog that shoved me right into agility. She’s that dog that came into my life for a reason. I wouldn’t be doing something I love without her. But it took me about 10-14 months before I could say/tell her I loved her. (I vacillated.) And now I adore her, but she can still peeve me off with her big mouth and chronic extreme independence. 🙂 I call her my Chipmunk in Dobie clothing. Think Alvin…but she’s Raven!
That was a thought-provoking post, Susan.
Great post and well said. A few years ago I lost my very first agility and obedience dog and my world came down and I never thought in a million years would I ever get another dog after such a loss but a friend mentioned to me about this litter of Border collies 5 girls and 1 male. The list for these puppies for the boys was I think 15 so I going up to NC anyway to visit family so I said why not. After seeing them I knew I had to get one and the health and background was incredible and I knew I had found my next superstar. I chose the one that chose me not the one the breeder said was more focused and I knew right then when I said pup pup she came flying into me and sold herself to me and it was love at first sight and a HUGE connection and that was the start to our journey .
So very well said. And even one of the rescues that we took on as ‘last’ chance home for her, even if the love weren’t there the connection to grow love certainly was.
Normally I agree with everything you say as you know 🙂 and I mostly do in this case too in that for my next dog I will definitely look for a connection right away. However, I do also think its possible for love to develop, although, as I said I would not choose to go that course again.
My last dog and I did not connect at all when she was a puppy, our relationship was definitely a struggle. I am ashamed to admit it but I remember being at Skills Camp and telling Linda I wasn’t sure I loved her. But I persevered and you know what I can honestly look you in the eye now and tell you I love her with all my heart. As I’ve said many times before, I credit your program with that, I think having not found it I would have continued to struggle and you’re right I probably would have never have loved her as I do my other dogs.
So absolutely going forward I want to just know right from the start that this dog belongs with me BUT I am so glad I persevered with my baby girl and that she found a place of her own in my heart.
So true about having that ‘connection’ with your dog.
My first was 2 1/2 years old when I got her. I wanted one of her puppies but didn’t like any of the pups that were left over after others had made their choices. I fell in love with the mother, ended up with her and she took me along that wonderful journey of working with a great dog. At 16 yrs, she is still with me and still a delight to work and live with. We have achieved so much together.
With my next dog, I had all sorts of aspirations but this was a puppy sent to teach me many valuable lessons about dogs and that they can’t all be pigeon-holed just because of their breeding. I love her just because she is. She paved the way for my next pup. And she is teaching him many valuable life lessons that only another dog can do so well.
My next pup who is now 15 months old, I chose because I wanted a dog for a specific purpose, initially for herding but to do agility with as well as he would be a city dog and not always have ready access to stock. Although probably the most sensitive of his litter, he just caught my eye. Any of the old working dog/stock men’s advice is that you can overcome any shortcomings in a dog as long as you have that connection with them and can live with them. This little guy (well, actually, he’s quite tall and leggy) is taking me on another journey. As sensitive as he is, boy, is he fun! He’s such a clown and makes us laugh but also keeps me in check in that I shouldn’t take anything for granted. I always need to be mindful with him that all dogs are different and that all dogs within breeds are different. Just enjoy the experience!
Karen M
Thanks for this post!
I have actually ended up ‘swapping’ puppies with my husband just recently – or more like the puppies swapped us. The little girl I had was quiet, shy and sensitive whereas the boy he had was bouncy and hyper and they were driving us mad! All of us are so much happier since we ‘swapped’ 🙂
Great post Susan! I’ve always wondered why my 2nd and 3rd dogs fit with me so well, while my 1st although he is lovely and a good boy I just don’t enjoy him as much.
I have 3 dogs, all from rescue. Dog 1 was my first ever dog and choosen because I wanted that particular breed, and while he is a lovely dog we really don’t have that special connection I’ve felt with my others, in fact, if he could choose he would have choosen to be my fathers dog.
Dog 2 and 3 (adopted several years apart) I found over the internet on rescue websites, and even tho I didn’t think they were right for me by the rescues descriptions, I just kept comming back to them over and over, like there was something special about them. So eventually I went and met them, and turns out they were just perfect and it felt so right to take them home. We get on so well and I just enjoy them so much.
When it comes time for Dog 4 I will make sure I come back and read this post.
Michelle.