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Lessons in Life’s Processes . . . get the kleenex.

Posted on 01/27/09 20 Comments

A friend of mine is facing the loss of a dog that, over the years, has become part of her identity. The dog is not particularly old, not that it would make the loss any more bearable if she were.  Although the passing of a much loved family pet is always difficult, I believe the loss of a dog that was once your agility partner is far more devastating.  This has nothing to do with the amount of winning, or the number of titles, or the number of world championships you may have participated in together. It  has to do with the oneness you develop with that dog on the agility field. You are a team. The time and dedication invested in a relationship to reach that degree of unity only helps to fuel the burning pain of loss, as your time together draws to a close. I think it may be one of the first question I will ask my maker when my time comes “why did our dogs have to grow old so fast?”  

I remember when Shelby (my first agility dog 1988-2004) was about 5-6 years old,

Shelby with a rock, winning of the 1998 USDAA GP Nationals.
Ten year old Shelby with her most treasure reward, a rock.

someone tried to convince me to convert to feeding my dogs raw, telling me they would live to be much older. I recall thinking, well if they live to 12 or 13, that would have been a full life and it would be ok to say to good bye at that time. Hmm, how my feelings changed when I had my first dog live to be 12 or 13, I was in no way ready to say good bye.  As much as I adore my agility dogs and get so much from the experience of training and competing with them, that relationship goes into a completely different dimension once the dog retires. I look at my dog’s geriatric years not with sadness, reflecting back on their glories of yesterday, but rather with great amusement as the dogs disclose a new side of themselves to me. And yes, I now do feed raw today, if I can squeeze out even one more month of productive life for my dogs, it would have been worth it to me.

At my friends request, over the next two days I will attempt to describe how I have coped with the transitions that I have experienced as my own dogs advance through life’s processes.

The Big Adventure Phase I have a good friend, Dr. Leslie Woodcock, who coincidently owns the Vet clinic with the pool my dogs love so much. Leslie and I have been friends for more than 20 years. She is not a dog trainer by ANY stretch of the imagination, far from it, she is a push over, and her dogs know it. What Leslie has, is great insight into, not only her passion of canine sports re-hab, but also into canine geriatrics. She is the last to give up on a dog. Leslie gave me this great tip when Shelby had to retire due to geriatric vestibular disorder (she was 12 and still competing at the time).  I believe this simple little thing has not only extended my dogs lives, but also improved the quality of their geriatric days unbelievably. Leslie said, “don’t forget to make her feel special everyday, or whenever you can.” That advise started the first of hundreds of “Big Adventure Trips” for my retired dogs. It could be a trip to the mail box in the car, or a walk with just the two of us, or hanging out with me while I set up a course for class. As the dogs got really old the trips got much shorter of course, they were nothing more than a walk outside around the house or possibly shortened to just a walk around the car. With Twister (1992 -2008 ) I would






Twister's amazing running A Frame.
Little 4 kg Twister's amazing running A Frame.


 sometimes put her on the last slat of the dog walk and tell her “go!”  As she leapt off I would announce her as the “Champion of the WORLD!” to which she would bounce off my leg, barking at me in agreement. It doesn’t matter what the big adventure is, they all start the same, I tell the dog “ok special girl, its big-‘venture time!” It doesn’t take long, possibly on a few minutes, but it usually involves a few doggie treats and me telling them stories of their brilliance.

The Borrowed Time Phase  When Stoni (1990 -2005) was 12 1/2 I had 3 different veterinarians tell me she wouldn’t live out the month. Her kidneys had crashed and she had stopped eating. I found a holistic vet who gave me the glimmer of hope I needed. He thought he could help, if I could get her to eat. At his suggestion, I made a paste of pre-digested whey protein and coconut butter and every 2 hours I would smear it on her upper lip. Stoni would lick off the paste, with great annoyance at me for disturbing her rest. Within 3 days she was eating again, This moved us into the “borrowed-time” phase of life with Stoni. For the next year or so John, (or I) gave her sub-Q fluids twice a day. Stoni would always wagged her tail and never complained about all the needles. The borrowed time phase is an unknown time frame, so you end up observing little details about your dog that may have passed you by before. I remember one morning, John and I were eating breakfast and Stoni purposefully got out of her bed and walked over to where Encore (who was four or five months old at the time) was playing. Stoni walked over and stuck her nose into the puppy’s ear. There they both stood motionless for a few moments.  I nudged John and whispered, look she is telling the puppy all of her secrets! It is easy to be sad during this phase but really it is

One of my all-time favourite pictures, one I like to call "the two legends"  Puppy Encore and Senior Stoni
One of my all-time favourite pictures with puppy Encore & stately Stoni.I like to call it "The Two Legends"

a time to enjoy every extra moment you are squeezing out together. During the fall of 2004 we were at the USDAA nationals in Phoenix during Stoni’s borrowed time phase. She decided she wanted to go and say hello, and as it was, goodbye, to all of her agility friends. It was a long walk from the RV’s to the ring, but that was where she determinedly dragged me. It is still a great memory for me. Stoni wagged her whole body as she recognized people she had known over the years and who also were fan’s of hers. I will always feel gratitude to the people around the ring that day that made Stoni feel so special.  Please when you see an older dog,  take the time to acknowledge him, I can’t describe the difference it makes to the spring in the step of that dog.

My parents would give up on an old dog with the first major health issue that cost any amount of money, so the borrowed time phase would be a short one. With so many kids to feed, I can see how that may have been necessary. For some of us, doing what we can for our older dogs comes without hesitation. Either way, I think it is important not to judge others or ourselves when these decisions have to be made, for the decision itself is part of our own unique journey.  Regardless of what you decide, allow your dog to have dignity and do not draw this stage out longer than gives your companion quality of life.

Giving me “the sign”   I have found that each one of my dogs have let me know when it was their time to go. As much of a cliché as that may be, it is so true. Each dog has given me clear signs when they had shared all of the lessons that they were intended to bring to me. With Stoni, it was February 13th 2005. I pulled out my suitcase to start my packing for a series of camps Greg Derrett & I were teaching in Australia.  Stoni, who had been her normal bright-eyed self that day, came in and sniffed the inside of my suitcase.  We were alone in the bedroom when I said to her “this is a really long trip my girl, da mama will be gone for 28 sleeps.”  That night John commented he thought Stoni was a bit dull, not herself. At 5 AM the next morning, she had her first seizure. I sat with her until 8 AM when I called my vet, as I knew Stoni was telling me that 28 sleeps was too many for her to wait for me this time.  She had one more seizure before my vet arrived at our home to help her leave us peacefully.  That was almost 3 years ago and the tears are just streaming down my face tonight as I write these words. It is fitting Stoni picked Valentines Day to say goodbye, since she will always own such a big part of my heart. 

Burial or cremation? Again I think this is a direction your heart will decide for you. When I lost Shelby I wrapped her up in one of my red USDAA National Grand

Me sprinkling Stoni & Twisters ashes into the floor of our new house.
Sprinkling Stoni & Twisters ashes into the floor of our new house last fall.

Prix finalist shirts and put her in a box that John build, with a rock of course (her favourite motivator of all time). We buried her behind the house, at the top of a hill overlooking a treed area where the squirrels always hang out. I have a stone marking her grave and every time I walk my dogs, I say good morning to her. With Stoni and Twister I felt the need to have each of them cremated. I didn’t know what to do with their ashes at first, but it recently hit me.  John and I are having a new house built, the floors are concrete throughout (so we can have radiant heat put inside– for the dogs of course:)). I decided I would mix Stoni and Twisters ashes together and sprinkle them in the main living areas of our new house. So they are in the kitchen, the great room, the master bedroom and my office and will always be a part of my life, as I have no intentions of ever moving from this Shangri-La we call home.

I think that may be enough emotion for all of us for one day. I will finish up with this post tomorrow. (Click here to read that entry.)  Today I am grateful for all of the wonderful “Borrow Time” experiences I have shared with Shelby, Stoni and Twister.


  1. Gale says:
    Tuesday, October 15, 2013 at 9:54pm

    Cavaliers are cursed with MVD, and I cried for 3 days when I found out that, at 8.5 years of age, he developed that horrible disease. Six months later, they found lung cancer and the vet gave him 3 weeks to 3 months to live. I started research and found some non chemo treatments, and Zorro and his sister turned 13 on Sep 28th 2013. I don’t think Zorro will last til Xmas, and I know his sister will soon follow him because, when he stopped doing agility, so did she, even though there was nothing wrong with her. She is almost fully blind now, but will follow my voice to go on the seesaw I have in the yard, and will go into the tunnel if I put her in front of the opening. She has some absence seizures too, and doesn’t recognize me at times. For Zorro, the vet can no longer hear his lungs, and he coughs sometimes so much I don’t think he will catch his breath, but he soldiers on. A few psychics have told me he doesn’t want to leave me though he is tired of being sick. He is preparing me, because though he still asks for his pills, he refuses to take them, but we have come to a compromise where he will take the food/pill mixture from my hand but not from the fork. I have told him that I will be ok if he wants to go.

    My rule is when their quality of life goes down and they don’t wag their tail any more, that is the time.

    I cried as I wrote this because those darned dogs take such a huge spot in our hearts.


  2. Jan Guz says:
    Tuesday, October 15, 2013 at 6:38pm

    Thank you Susan. I miss my Sunni and Claire every day. My goal is to make all of my dogs feel special every single day of their lives. Thank you for sharing.


  3. sharon empson says:
    Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 11:16pm

    thanks Susan. I have had many dogs let me know their time was up. Right now my new dogs are still young, but we almost lost one to a mystery illness. He made it by God’s grace. I try not to think of those borrowed times with these three dogs of mine. I just want to enjoy them while they are hear.
    Thanks for sharing such a tender part of your heart with us, with me… sharon empson


  4. Wendy Rudolph says:
    Thursday, November 10, 2011 at 1:51pm

    I know this post is old, but I just came across it and it really resonated. My first agility partner is now 14, so is officially a geractic dog. He’s been retired since late 2008, but he still comes to some trials to greet his friends and keep an eye on things. He LOVES his role as greeter and when he sees an old friend, he gets beside himself with excitement. Our agility friends make a huge fuss over Cabot when he visits and he basks in the attention. Cabot has taught me a lot, and he isn’t finished his job yet, but I know the day will come when we enter the “borrowed time” phase. I can only hope I recognize when he gives me the “sign” that he’s ready to go. In the meantime, we have special mom & me times and I look at his beautiful face every day and tell him how special he is.

    Thanks for this post – it really hits the heart.


  5. Sonja says:
    Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 12:11am

    Thank you for this post and what a lovely tribute. Typhoon loves to visit with people and it is amazing how it brightens her day when people recognize and talk to her. Unfortunately there are not many that do anymore. Most don’t even know I had a BC before…I always try to make a point to pet and hug seniors, you just never know…..and it is amazing what little it takes to make their day….


  6. Fran says:
    Monday, November 7, 2011 at 11:00am

    What an amazing tribute…..and a tear or two while reading — yes – “get the kneenex” — get a box!


  7. Patty Worthington says:
    Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 11:41am

    Oh man, I had to go and read this one while at work!! Having said goodbye to three dogs in less than a year, it really hit home. I said goodbye to my rescued old boy last night and he never did agility or accomplished anything on paper but his zest for life was amazing. He jumped around play-bowing every morning just because I got out of bed and said hi to him. It’s those memories we need to hang out to and take solace in. Of course, each loss is so very different as our journeys vary wtih each dog. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Susan!


  8. Deborah Abbott says:
    Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 7:48pm

    I want to thank you for these two posts about losing our teammates. I have yet to lose one of my beloved companions, and I appreciate your wisdom in this area. I especially appreciate the Rev. Billy Graham quote. I’ve been looking for a quote like that to give me comfort for my future when I’m in heaven.


  9. Christine says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 7:03pm

    What a lovely post that brings things into perspective for us all.

    May your friend find peace during this difficult time and keep the special memories close to her heart and in her thoughts.

    Off to grab the kleenex then off to have my own ‘big adventure’.


  10. MarianneMontague says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 5:41pm

    A friend of mine wrote, on the passing of her dog Tae, that “he died in the arms of the one who loved him most.”

    What a gift to give any being in their last moments of life; I only hope I’m as lucky when my time comes!


  11. Bridget Pilloud says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 4:58pm

    This is a lovely dwelling on such an important topic. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! Your dogs are lovely too!


  12. Julie Rice says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 3:14pm

    As they get older, they only get more dear to me (dogs and people).


  13. Heather Sather says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 1:49pm

    One of the agility clubs that I belong to hosted a Veterans Parade at one of our trials last year. As the dogs ran around the little mini course with bars on the ground an announcer read a bit about them that the owner had written up and submitted. At the end they were given a bag of biscuits. The owners were given a commerative t-shirt that listed all of the entered dogs names on the back. We will cherish those shirts for a very long time. It was open to all dogs 9 years of age or older. Some are still running and some are retired and some have gone to the Rainbow Bridge since the Veterans Parade. All of them had fun and enjoyed getting to play and be cheered for.
    Here is video of the parade:


  14. Lone says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 11:53am

    Thank you for sharing…! *looking for my kleenex*


  15. Lynne Brubaker says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 11:10am

    Blimy Susan… this is a not just a one kleenex blog entry, it is a whole box… I am so sorry for your friend. I will light a candle for her.
    Thank you for sharing such deep personal experiences.


  16. Sandie says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 9:09am

    You are right to cherish that borrowed time. My Doberman passed away in Decemeber of DCM. We didn’t get any borrowed time. He was running and playing one moment and gone seconds later- only five and a half years old. Just that day I was making plans for agility trials that spring. I would give anything to have had just a few more seconds or some forwarning that he was going, to have given him one more hug…I had just put his RAW meal out to thaw, I wish he could have enjoyed it- he did love his RAW food. I wish I would have switched earlier. I still cry everyday, I can’t beleive he is gone. I try to make everyday a big adventure for my girls because today is a gift, it may not be there tomorrow.


  17. Renee says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 9:00am


    I remember Stoni’s walk in Scottsdale. I stopped and petted her. And I still remember that moment and exactly where we were standing when it happened.

    It’s your blog..so I won’t go on and on about me and my dogs…but Hamlet is 10 1/2 now…and his craziness is beginning to catch up to him. The things you are writing in this post hit home. One change I see is that he seems to “speak” so much more to me … especially with his eyes. He will look at me so much more so now….I will take the advice to heart and make each of his days special. Thanks for the memories and the advice!



  18. Joy says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 8:14am

    Thank you for sharing Susan … a tear-filled start to a Tuesday morning, but an important reminder to go home and spend time with EVERYBODY! … I had to laugh though, because our old black lab’s “big venture” is still one of the most important jobs in the house, he makes every beer run to the drive-thru beer store in town and in turn receives a “Slim-Jim” snack from the guys working … He LOVES retirement!


  19. Angela says:
    Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 5:29am

    Thank you for sharing this…….


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