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Pay Truth Forward

Posted on 03/24/10 7 Comments

Okay since I wrote about asking John to lie to me yesterday I thought I would share with you information about a presenter I met at Tony Robbin’s workshop in Orlando a few weeks ago. His name is Gary King. He had a unique presentation on character and honesty. He spoke about “inconsequential lies” such as “no honey,. . .  those jeans do not make your butt look fat” and how he believes those little white lies triggers your brain to believe lying is okay, leading to larger,  more significant lies (such as cheating on a spouse).  He called it compounding behaviour like interest in your bank account. He used the example of television morality to prove his point.

Gary reminded the room of how in the early days of TV only twin beds where shown in a master bedroom, kissing on the mouth was not allowed and absolutely no swearing even words such as “hell” or “damn.” Compare that to the anything-goes-ground rules of today where, even if they attempt to bleep words out they still allow the view to hear enough to know what is being said.  Gary believes that behaviour gets compounded we go from kissing on the mouth in the ’70’s television to some of the reality TV shows that leave nothing to your imagination. If you allow yourself just one small exception to your morality code, before long you maybe caught in a landslide and wonder when and where your integrity left you.   Certainly gives us all something to think about.

Gary started his journey after a near death experience left him unable to lie to people (kind of like a real life version of Jim Cary in the movie “Liar, Liar”).  His story is an interesting one. In his workshop  he claims that people lie on average something like 15 times per hour (sorry I don’t remember the exact number-it could very well have been 15 times per minute!). He includes withholding information because you think it would hurt someone as a lie. He asked us all if we could recall a time when we told a “necessary lie” that made both us and the person we told it to feel warm inside.  Of course people offered up stories of telling a friend that you did something that the he or she had really expected and hope you would do when in fact you hadn’t done it. Gary then questioned, if it made your friend feel good because you lied to him, what does that say about your relationship? It is one based on dishonesty and what happens to that relationship when your friend actually finds out the truth?  If the friendship is important to you you won’t lie to maintain it.

It takes courage to be completely honest with everyone you meet, every day of our lives. Gary believes the reason people lie is because they won’t be brave and have those “hard conversations” so instead they lie, which may make them feel okay at the time (having potentially avoided a conflict) but over time erodes of both your health and happiness.

Hmmmmmm, interesting stuff, so is his DVD “Pay Truth Forward” you can check it and other cool stuff out on his website (http://www.thepoweroftruth.com/)

Today, in addition to honesty, Gary is on a mission to have positive messages be presented to us, and especially children, in our every day lives. Messages such as “nothing is more important then character” or “Winners never cheat.” Watch this short video clip to get the idea of the impact he is trying to create.  I think it is a good one.

What about you guys, ever a time you think lying is necessary?  Personally I think if the person asks you to lie (as I do with John) I hope that has gotta not count:)!

Today I am grateful that Buzzy seems much better than even yesterday and yes, his new head tilt is kind of cute.


  1. Claire Duder says:
    Thursday, March 25, 2010 at 6:11pm

    I don’t think that there is ever a good reason to lie for gain, cheat for gain, or steal for gain. However, I think that there are too many people who delight in being “brutally honest”… emphasis on the brutal!

    I think kindness and civility are grossly undervalued traits, that would go a long way towards fixing the sort of rpoblems Gary talks about. Sometimes it can be hard to be kind if you insist on being truthful. So, I think there must always be a balance: “truth” is often a matter of opinion (“Do these jeans make me look fat?”), afterall.


  2. Trudie says:
    Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 2:38pm

    You have asked your husband to do you a favour. And he has agreed, confident that the consideration is reciprocal.
    It would be about deception if the emotions were sham or selfish…
    I confess: your blog prompted me to dust off an old copy of “How the Mind Works”…
    …and discovered another fascinating aspect of cheating: self-deception, “the conscious mind sometimes hides the truth from itself the better to hide it from others…”

    Whether all Steven Pinker’s statements are correct or not, I did find a couple of gems he quoted:

    “There’s one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he’s crooked.” – Mark Twain

    “Our enemies’ opinion of us comes closer to the truth than our own.”
    – Larochefoucaud

    “It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.” – Gore Vidal


  3. Christine says:
    Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 1:04pm

    Great insight – I’m going to share this thread with a non-doggy friend that I think would also take from this…and no that’s not a lie!

    Buzz’s head tilt is kinda cute.

    He is one special boy that has influenced many through the stories you shared in Shaping Success.


  4. Michelle says:
    Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 12:51pm

    Buzzy looks so cute. My father calls the being nice or subtle untruths “white-lies”. Those ones are okay so he says.

    I think there is a difference between lying and being discreet. Somethings are better left unsaid, like someone above quote, if you havent anything nice to say!!

    I travel a bit also and my hubby gets dog duty. It was hard when my previous dogs were getting old and a lot to care for. However, I never did tell him to not tell me what was going on. I guess because I left him with the burden (not really a burden) but an emotional one of taking care of the dogs when they are not 100%, that I didnt feel that he couldnt talk to me about it when I called him. For me that was my support to him to offload some of the emotional burden I had left him with. Sometimes calls were hard but I had to face what was going on and be a support to my hubby too. I guess if I ever had to take off and come home I would have. I know that our dogs are definitely in good hands with our hubbies though.

    I hope Buzzy continues to improve.


  5. Lynn says:
    Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 12:37pm

    I think tremendous harm is being done to our society by talk show hosts who not only lie, but bump up their ratings by setting aside all rules of civility. Then not only are the lies repeated ad nauseum by people who never bother to check the facts, but the tone of public discourse shifts to one of screaming and name calling (like the tea-baggers who shouted the “n word” at congressman and civil rights hero John Lewis), rather than constructive debate over actual issues. While we’re promoting truth-telling, I wish that people would make a commitment to civil conversation as well — in person, online, in print, on the radio, etc. I’m not sure whether there are situations that justify lying, but I’m pretty sure that there is no time when it’s helpful to treat another person (or group of people) without respect.


  6. Mary Muliett says:
    Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 12:26pm

    Okay, so really if I did not omit anything….wow that could cause some issue.
    I am all about being truthful and would like to think I am a very honest person….but remember the old adage “if you can’t say something nice….” really sometimes it is important to just keep quite. We all are colored with our own perspectives and we need to think about what is “our stuff/judgment” versus what is “truth”….most off the cuff thoughts are judgment based and come from our own baggage.

    Just saying, and again I am a pretty straight from the hip kind of girl, but I know not everything needs said.


  7. Helen Verte says:
    Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 10:57am

    I think we are hard-wired to lie as a self-preservation instinct. When you posed that question about lying, the first thing I thought about was corporate America. That is an institution where survival requires lying at one point or another. Then I did a quick search on-line and found we, as children, start lying as a self-preservation method at seven years old. Then it seems to snowball into lying for other reasons, for some This link goes to an excerpt of Hardwired behavior: what neuroscience reveals about morality by Laurence R. Tancredi on amazon. http://itybityurl.com/1963 A very interesting page.

    Buzzy is an adorable senior citizen. I love the seniors. They are so special.


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